Hi, I’m Kat Vellos. I help people build friendships in cities that weren't designed for connection, and I advocate for changing how we design cities so friendship becomes easier for everyone.
In 2015, I started researching why so many adults were having a hard time making friends in adulthood. That research led me to uncover skyrocketing rates of loneliness and widespread platonic longing within American society. My research culminated in the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, which I wrote as an actionable guide to help any adult who craves more friends, closer friendships, and a deeper sense of community. It was released in January 2020, and many of its findings were later corroborated by Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy’s declaration of the loneliness epidemic in September 2024.
Friendship isn’t fluff. The longest longitudinal study done on human thriving (The Harvard Study of Adult Development) found that the most important factor in our health, happiness, and longevity is the quality of our relationships.
My background is in UX design and community building, and I regret to report that the UX of our neighborhoods is leaving millions of people disconnected and lonely. In 2025, the World Health Organization’s Commission on Social Connection released a report demonstrating that social isolation and loneliness are widespread, with serious negative impacts on health, wellbeing, and society—not just in the United States, but around the globe.
My work puts me on the frontlines, working directly with individuals who have a hard time creating local friendships and community—and a big reason why is because their buildings, blocks, neighborhoods, and cities weren’t designed for connection.
I’m on a mission to change that.
I speak to city leaders, architects, urban planners, urban designers, and builders to encourage them to design for connection. Design creates our cities, shapes our culture, and can foster our connections — if we let it.
I’d love to talk about this at your company, committee meetings, conferences, universities, associations, and gatherings with other people working in related areas. Let’s work together to inspire more city builders and city leaders to create places where people can more easily access friendship, community, belonging, and connection. The health of our places and our people depends on it.
Learn more about my work: Check out my 60+ podcast interviews on Spotify, featuring episodes with The Good Life Project, Meetup HQ, Brave UX, KPBS, and more.